You have got to be kidding me. AGAIN?!?!?!
First they moved us due to the Zone expansion. That was utter crap, let me tell you. You ever try to read scores through 6 feet of dirt and THEN try to decipher some Corps Fish's handwriting on a marker board? What the hell? How about a nice digital number? Perhaps a TV? NOOOOOOOOO! We got a whiteboard and no respect. That AND you moved us. We're Reveille, all VI of us buried here, and we deserve a proper place/scoreboard upon which to watch the games.
So, if we're to be inconvenienced again, allow me to make certain suggestions for the upgrades that will be most accommodating to us lady generals in the coming two seasons.
1. Move us ONE TIME. Just ONE TIME. Before placing us in our final, I repeat, final resting places. We're not doing this shit again. I'm sick of it. A lady wants her space to be undisturbed when she is resting. Maybe, just maybe, move us to a nice entombment above ground at a swanky apartment with a 70" TV so we can catch the games on the SEC Network? Huh? How about that? What about installing iPads on the roofs of our caskets running Sportacular so we can check up on the standings? Think we don't care about the rest of the league? No? Sexist bastards. Think on it.
2. Listen, and I'm serious here, we don't like being buried in a 3x3 matrix. Well, us in the front do because we don't have to sniff deceased canine tail. But IV-VI? They hate it. HATE IT. Put us in a semi-circle around the TV and add some nice scented candles to the place. And one more thing, NO VISITORS. Do you have any idea what it's like trying to rest in peace when THERE IS NO PEACE? I want peace, two years of it. Make this happen.
3. When you do move us back, bury us in a suite. A founders suite. Don't we deserve AC? And a wet bar? And TVs? And a reasonable scoreboard? And Chanel caskets, too. We're ladies, not mutts. Well, some of us (COUGH I & II).
So there are my simple requests for our temporary and subsequently permanent housing for the coming years. Hopefully you guys get this memo from beyond this mortal coil and actually, I don't know, TAKE SOME ACTION TO ENSURE OUR COMFORT!
Woof. Class dismissed, bitches.